Why are Social Skills Important?

Social skills are the basis for developing positive relationships and interactions between children and adults. These skills begin developing early on in infants and continue to develop and mature throughout life. We use social skills in virtually every aspect of our lives. For children, social skills are the main avenue of developing friendships and learning to work together appropriately. Developing positive and healthy relationships as a child is an important predictor of positive and healthy adult adjustment and behavior. When these relationships are not positive and not developed properly, we easily see the deterioration in adulthood.

Impact of ADHD on Social Skills

ADHD children often have a difficult time developing the social skills that are imperative for success in life. They seem to be socially inept, leading to a wide array of difficulties. These difficulties can range anywhere from academic problems with poor performance in school to poor peer relationships, which lead to other difficulties with adults, such as in their careers.

Children face so many different stresses in childhood. The positive relationships that they form develop a kind of buffer against those stresses, allowing them to bounce back quickly and feel support from those around them. When children lack these relationships, there is no buffer and they become at risk for psychological and psychiatric problems.

There are several areas in which ADHD children often find the most difficulty:

Poor Peer Relationships/Peer Rejection

A major area of concern with ADHD children is peer rejection. This social rejection is often caused by their lack of appropriate verbal and non-verbal behaviors. The impulsive or inattentive behaviors often displayed by ADHD children frequently lead to peers neglecting or disliking them. These children quickly become unpopular because of the rejection, which can be the result of many factors. They may not use appropriate eye contact, voice volume, gestures, or respect other’s personal space. ADHD children are more likely to yell, run, and talk at inappropriate times, ultimately isolating themselves as other children see them as “bad” and avoid playing with them. Children are turned off by the child’s impulsive behavior and apparent disregard for their own interests. Aggressive children may intimidate their peers, preventing relationships from building, or their lack of attention to others makes peers feel as though their friendship is not valued or is unwanted.

Agressive and Impulsive Behaviors

ADHD children tend to be more impulsive and aggressive than other children. This behavior falls out of the social norm as these children interrupt others and fight more easily. The intensity of ADHD children leads to them dominating activities and engaging in inappropriate behaviors such as teasing or overly physical play. The lack of understanding personal space and appropriate interactions leads to more peer rejection.

Academic Problems

Although academic performance and social skills are not directly related, there is a correlation when looking at children’s acceptance. The low academic performance of these children is often the result of being off-task and unable to successfully complete assignments. If children are not completing work because they are engaging in disruptive behaviors, this affects those around them. This causes their peers to view them in a negative way and ultimately leads to more rejection.

What Parents Can Do to Help

If your child has a record of bad behavior due to a lack of social skills, it is crucial that he* learn these skills as early as possible. This will not be an easy or short task. Be prepared to continue this “social training” throughout childhood as demands and situations change. Here are ways that parents can help their ADHD child develop better social skills:

  • Identify facial expressions and feelings in books and movies - ADHD children often disregard the facial expressions of others, but can be taught to recognize these non-verbal signs of contentment or anger. When you are reading books together or watching a movie, point out faces of characters and ask your child to identify what that character is feeling. Teaching him to recognize these simple emotions is the first step in helping him interact appropriately in various situations.
  • Watch other children - When you are around other children, help your child to take note of their behavior. Talk about how the other children interact. Ask your child to identify what the children are doing. Is it appropriate? If not, what should they be doing? This offers a base of information for your child to build on as he develops his own set of skills.
  • Find structured activities - If your child has a difficult time with activities involving other children, start with activities that are structured by the activity or by an adult. This will provide the necessary guidance and reduce the gray areas of expected behaviors as your child learns to self-monitor behavior choices.

  • Model/teach desired behaviors - If you want your child to stop a certain behavior, such as interrupting, monitor your own actions to check for similar tendencies. Parents often struggle with the same issues as their child. Your child watches how you interact, react, and communicate with others and will use you as his guide for proper behavior. While it’s impossible to be perfect, it is helpful to check the message you are sending with your actions and start there when making changes.
  • Plan for success - As you work with your child and help him develop his skills, find situations that will allow your child to succeed. Praise him highly for his good choices and move onto activities that will result in more appropriate behaviors. Success builds success — this is a positive way to reinforce wonderful skills and build the self-esteem of your child at the same time. When he is confident about his choices and behaviors, slowly introduce the difficult situations and provide the proper support to help him develop his skills further.
  • Practice, practice, practice - The most important task is to continue practicing the skills that he learns. This practice will be most effective when applied to several situations as many children will not automatically apply what they learned in one setting to a different one. As your child continues to use these skills, they will become more ingrained in his behavior and soon become second nature.
  • Find peers with similar interests - Finding another child with similar interests can allow for the children to build a bond. With this in place, the relationship and skills can build from there. Be sure to remain available to support your child and help him successfully interact with the other child to make the playdate a success.

* A single gender is used to ease reading and is not intended to reflect a gender bias in this article or this site.